At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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