I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
