oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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