We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
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