i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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