those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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