i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize