He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
