His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
