Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
