a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
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I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
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He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to