My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college