You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.