you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
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I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
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I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?