you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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