i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
