3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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