But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize