My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
it was like having sex with a tree stump
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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