How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Randomize
