I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
