So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
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