i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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