So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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