I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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