I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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