he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
