she takes plan B like it's going out of style
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
