I faked an abortion last night.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
