Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
