we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I love you.
Bad choice
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