make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
