I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
well you can't waste a boner
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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