am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Randomize
