omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Well I just put wine in my tea
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
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