Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
