I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
