I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
