im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
