My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
