dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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