I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
