Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
