I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize