i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Randomize
