Have you finally orgasmed yet?
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
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I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
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I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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