do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
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