Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
