He kissed a someone with a penis
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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