I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
