dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
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