My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
