I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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