when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Randomize
