She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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