i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
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