I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
