this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
We need a shit load of segways right now
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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