The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
