PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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