I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
