So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
