i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
