dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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