Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
