i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
