i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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