Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
