I think scott just propositioned me for sex
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
