No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
