Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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