I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize