Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Randomize
