you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
